Inter-Species Etiquette

by Melody McClure

INTER-SPECIES ETIQUETTE

A handbook for Cybertown Citizens

Cybertown is growing. You see the evidence everywhere you look - in the Chat rooms, in the ever-expanding apartment complexes, and especially in the public places. Just last year, Earth Humans made up 94% of the population, and Summa 4 Jadowans made up most of the remaining 6%. Now, humans and Jadowans make up 40% and 7% respectively. The remaining 53% is made up of representatives of 14 different species. We should, first of all, congratulate ourselves that relations among the species have generally been cordial. I think everyone would agree that the overall atmosphere has been one of good will and a desire to understand one another.

But that is not to say that the transition to a true galactic community has been without bumps. Species are different. Here are just a few of the ways in which we differ: morphology, language, cultural history, evolutionary history, location in the food chain, environmental preferences, reproductive equipment, number of sexes, communication of mental state by facial or other expressions . . . well, I could go on and on, but you get the picture. All of these differences can, and have, lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, insults, and hostility, at some time or another. And yet, these differences are what make Cybertown a truly fascinating place in which to live.

What I would like to suggest is that we approach our differences with interest and delight. Take them as a way to learn more about ourselves and the world around us. See them, not as a threat or a challenge, but as an affirmation of the bounty of the universe.

In the meantime, I have taken the time to put together a little primer on major gaffes which can and should be avoided. It is not exhaustive, but covers some of the more obvious inter-species paradigm clashes. Feel free to copy this document and give it to your friends.

1. Greetings: The universal greeting (a lowering of part of the body toward the ground) is considered good anywhere. Things to avoid: Humans: do not try to shake the tentacle of a Golander, thinking it is homologous to your hand. It is not. The tentacle is a tool. Would you be impressed by someone who tried to shake your hammer? Srijavars: do not assume that all human appendages are functionally equivalent. They are not. The only two appendages which you may in courtesy shake are the 5-fingered hands. Everything else is off- limits. Beldoids: most other species would be more comfortable if your eyes were facing forward during a greeting. I know it seems strange to you, but there it is.

2. Eating: I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that carnivores only feed with carnivores, and herbivores only feed with herbivores. You omnivores can go either way, but I'd suggest you stick with the local menu, whatever it is. If you decide to try cross- feeding, don't say I didn't warn you. And a word of caution to everyone: please be aware when feeding with Chelowils that their alimentary canal runs in the opposite direction to what you're probably used to. Enough said.

3. Schmoozing: You can get in trouble faster with idle banter that with just about anything else. Here are some topics that are considered taboo: With Saledos, do not discuss their unusual and varied coloration. They consider themselves to be purely mental beings, and their physical bodies are almost an embarrassment. Do not ask Humans why they have that thatch of hair on their craniums. They don't know why, but they take great pride in it. Don't ask a Firthin his name. It's secret.

Well, that's all I have time for today. Next time, I'll discuss inter- species sex. That will be a short essay. In fact, I can sum it up now. "DON'T"

Your inter-species etiquette advisor, Melody McClure

Talk to me, baby
Melody McClure is a Cybertown resident and hangs
out in Beyond Cybertown Colony 3, apartment 76.