Sure, the Olympics are on now, so you're entertained and happy. But soon
we will be back on that ol' campaign trail, stepping over steaming piles of
spin-droppings as we try to make our way into the white light. Who, oh who,
shall lead the way for us? If I had my druthers, no one. No one at all. I don't
trust any one of them to be able to make it all the way to the front of the
driveway before the garbage sack bursts. I say make a clown president. No, I
mean a real, bona fide clown. Like Wavy Gravy or Pee Wee Herman. "The
Greatest Democracy on Earth proudly presents, in the center ring, Madame
President, Madonna, who will do silly things with snakes while she signs the
newly passed laugh tax!" "Elect my candidate, he's a stand up guy."
To keep faith with my philosophy - keep 'em laughing - I present here some
amusements for your reading and chortling pleasure.
THE NATIONAL ZOO
The scariest encounter
Back in Washington D.C.
Is the feeding-frenzied animals
That work for you and me.
Their lust for blood is endless
Just look inside the House
The seats are filled with leaches,
The Speaker is a louse.
Congressionalligators
Are chomping at the door
Of the stately Senatortoises,
They want to eat some more.
But there is something hungrier
It's hunting for a fix,
A gang of Presidentials,
A swarm of Politicks.
So keep your eyes wide open
We're human and we're free.
Stay alert! Don't let them make
An ass of you or me.
And furthermore:
BILL CLINTONS TOP TEN PROMISES IF RE-ELECTED
#10 Two free Fat Burgers for every voter.
#9 A copy of your FBI file, signed by Hillary.
#8 No more Chelsea photo ops.
#7 Guest host for Letterman twice yearly.
#6 Guaranteed government job for everyone.
#5 White water rafting trip with Newt on the River of No Return.
#4 New jogging sweats.
#3 Will teach Boris Yeltsin how to dance at next summit meeting.
#2 Al Gore will become wife, Hillary - vice president.
And the number one promise made by Bill Clinton:
#1 Call me, we'll talk. Yah, yah, yah. And I promise to continue my search for intelligent life in the American Political System. Give me warp speed Scotty and take us out of here.
